Lloyd wrote these words about watching Pono go. He said it for me.
“I have this ritual, something I’ve done since Pono was in elementary school. Whenever I drop him off at school, I always stay and watch him walk off, until he’s out of sight. Disappearing through an archway, or into a school building, or around a corner, or into a clutch of friends (almost always girls).
Most parents dropping their kids off just… drop them off and drive off. Yes, there are the farewell rituals, fond or perfunctory, and everything in between. But… they drive off.
Me, I stay and watch the kid walk off, or drift off, or slouch off, or skip off. The variety of his walking, through the years, seared into my memory now, like ineradicable chemicals on indestructible photographic film.
This morning, I saw him pause and wait for friends (yes, girls) just alighting from the schoolbus. His hug and arm around them so distinctively him, so “aloha boy,” he has been that way since forever.
I note this now because this is coming to an end soon. And will be, for all time remaining afterwards, only in memory. But for now, for this morning, I repeat this ritual once again which, in its own way, is a meditation.”
I stay and watch the kid walk off, or drift off, or slouch off, or skip off. The variety of his walking, through the years, seared into my memory now, like ineradicable chemicals on indestructible photographic film.
27 January 2007
ALiza- few days from 2 years old
Sahar- almost 4
Sahar, my darling, my love, my chance to reinvent life.
I am on a BA flight to New York and I am tearful from missing them.
I am going in the wrong direction, my heart says to me.
Maybe this will be my encore. My last bow…. the important thing is to gather enough nerve and confidence to do this trip with a flourish.
The world is my stage. Its just me- Natasha at 35. Presenting, talking, charming, mingling.
I am reminded of my trip to Shivpuri with Arun. Filming river rafting….. I was ready for it but I was petrified. ( and then Rupen fell into the river !)
Bubbles, I love you and Sahar and Aliza. I will call you everyday. Shireen and Fahad, you two are my surrogate children, my strength and my faith.
I will walk straight, smile easily, be my age and my shape, eat well, sleep well, take care of myself and call HOME everyday.
Afzal Beg, why have we met ?
You are the reason I believe that God exists, that good prevails, that life is to love and bring up your children well.
Afzal Beg, I love you.
The girls need a Mum who is in CONTROL and they’re going to get it !!
Mother, woman, lover, daughter, myself: the whole is greater than the sum of its parts