What are you doing, hiding behind him?

I’m hiding behind him because the superficial world, the chamki world, the world of aggression and competition tempts me too much. I love it, I thrive in it………. but I don’t want to spend all my time and life there.
Its empty and it also depresses me…. a lot.

I’m using him as a shield.

I’m also saying Protect me, Hide me, Take Care of me.
Sometimes he does…. sometimes he says, Honey, I gotta go right now. (or something like that!)

I’m also hiding because I feel too thin, too flat to come out and be photographed.

Besides its a great way to touch him, to hug him. He makes me desperate, what can I say.

(Photo taken by Jyotindra at Sush’s Chitt Park home in early 2002. Much before Shaadi)

In November 2008, 2 months after Naseem was born, I retrieved this photo from a heap inside a drawer, dusted it and put it up on my notice board. I could see it when I was nursing the baby, after I had yelled at my daughters, when I felt lonely, lost, hungry and angry.

I looked at it and wondered why I had put it up. There was a reason why but I took my time to understand what.

It was a cross connection time.
Last year, after NamNam was born, I needed to hide, to hold, to be protected. I was exhausted and weak, happy and disturbed. I wanted a shield.
Last year, after Nam Nam was born, he really had to go. (Maybe he had to run, that might be how he felt. To his credit, he didn’t)

That’s Naseem, cheering us along, as we pick up the pieces and get our act together again.

About Natasha Badhwar

"Because I'm a Tinker. That's who I am. Tinkers fix things. But I can't do it alone." (Pause for lots of action. Group Action......) "You did it, Tinker, you saved Spring!" I also have three children, one marriage, a million friends and one life.
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